So for the past couple of nights. I have been waking up with a feeling of despair. It's a very quick, fleeting moment but yet the weight is heavy. Like my next breath needs effort to accomplish. It had me in dis ease.
Healing Ritual:
I go to bed every night, setting intentions for a healing sleep. For tomorrow to be full of positive memories and for me to have continued energy for my quest.
In the morning before getting up, I take a moment to check in with my body by giving myself Reiki, giving thanks to the Universe and reflecting on my dreams.
So to wake up with this feeling of discomfort, yet familiarity, had my pondering...but eac morning, after my analytical check-in (--family, finances, health-all well, check, check, check) I just shook it off. But this morning, my intuitive said, "self there is a message, that your higher self is requesting you hear"
Sidenote: What I find interesting as I sat with this dis ease, it's my analytical mind that comes through to ground me, speaking to the importance of having a connection with both your analytical and intuitive minds.
During meditation today, I sat with this feeling. As uncomfortable as it was, I wanted to know why. I asked, "what is this feeling about. this feeling that comes in for a split second, first thing, as I come into my physical awareness?"
I was told, "it's the remembrance of depression; long past, but awareness still, gratitude and forgiveness of being in a depressed state. Remember every waking hour in this feeling? Yes, those were some difficult times...and now??" A tear dropped in gratitude that I no longer am in that state, no longer in that space, no longer in resonate with that energy.
I realized, as hard as it was, I pushed through; speaking to my strength and dedication. Which during that time, I felt was questionable. So when I say, I am not strong enough or dedicated enough, I will look back at this time and remember those feeling, those breaths that were so hard to take, and remember I took the breath, course corrected and maintained to be a stronger and better me.
And just to go a little deeper, I pulled these cards focusing on the energy around this remembrance of myself in a depressed state.
The message that came through from me is "to use your tools of As above (intuitive) So below (analytical) to maintain your balance and protect Self from uncomfortable emotional states that do not resonate with your current state of grounded-ness, to see those emotional states in their Truth and essence"
Say what???!! (let me interpret)
I love that two of these cards have the water in the background, one empty of color/judgement and the other colorful and refreshing..
Above & Below: That above hand, is saying hold on emotion, hold on. Let's take this emotion let's ground it, lower hand.
Stability card: Let's ground it in the earth and cultivate vitality, nourishment
Let's take a moment here, let's stand tall in our stabilization, let's stand tall in our grounded-ness.
Protection card: We have the strength and fortitude holding space. Allowing us to be vulnerable; that space to allow those emotions to be compensated intuitively and analytically. It allows that conversation, connection and cultivation to occur ---
Do not let this discomfort unground you. You know your worth.
Continued use of your tools will help protect you from being ungrounded.
Overall message, to embrace the wisdom of self, gained from this emotional state.
Let the emotions of the past, be in support of you in the current and the future.
In hind sight this is not about me falling back into depression at all, it is about a dis ease around my new future, feelings of unknowing, feelings of fear of the "what if's"...
And wonderfully enough, this all coincides with the last Full Moon of the year.
I release the discomforts of these emotions,
opening my arms to accept them as learning tools
I release the connection to despair,
and welcome in the connection to strength and courage.
I release the feelings of being ungrounded,
so as to recognize the grounded ness this state has cultivated.
I release the judgements of having depression,
as it was part a integral part of my journey.
I release the lower perspective of this state
and in gratitude
Thank you for making me into All that I am today.
With Love and Light
Adrienne
If you are having dis ease with something in your current path, be it a dream, a project, a choice. Reach out, I am available to help clear the fog and illuminate the light or just hold space.
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